Welcome to Conventia
by Lacey
Summary: After being injured in Operation Impending Doom 1, a young Irken makes a new life for himself on Conventia.


**Disclaimer: **Is this really necessary? Ummm, ok. I don't own Invader Zim. The oh-so-spiffy Jhonen Vasquez and his tribe of winged monkeys at Nickelodeon studios does, though! There, I said it. ^_^ [shameless plug] This ficcy contains references to one of my other ficcies, Prelude To a Nightmare. [end shameless plug] 

**Welcome to Conventia**

My name is Vorp. Ok, so you probably don't care about that, but I do. Sometimes I think that my name is all that I really have left from before the accident. And everyone around here knows me! Eh... Maybe that's a bit of an overstatement. You see, pretty much only the folks I work with know my name. And if I went walking down the street, no one would recognize me. But I am famous around here! Really, I am. All right, all right! Keep your backpods on! I'll explain. 

Once upon a time, back on Irk, I was really living up the good life. I was respected because I was Tall. Nowhere near as Tall as the Tallest, of course, but a damned sight Taller than most Irkens! And, best of all, I was going to be conquering a planet in Operation Impending Doom! 

For as long as I live, I'll never forget the Great Assigning! That was the first time I ever saw our double rulers in person. Hold on, let me back up just a bit. There were thirty of us. Some were on the Tall side, like me. The rest, well, weren't. The shortest there was a guy named Zim. I never thought that anyone that short could be an Invader, but he'd obviously managed somehow. 

Anyway, when the Tallest made their entrance, there was a lot of billowing smoke. And the Tallest rose up from the middle of the smoke - very mysterious and impressive looking. Well, it was until I saw that Tallest Red was trying to keep from coughing. Probably no one in the audience could tell, though. Or maybe it just looked like he was making fearsome faces. And I swear, I thought I heard Tallest Purple whisper, "I told you to hold your breath, Red!" 

When it was all over, I went to my quarters to research my assigned planet - Mayocornia, planet of mayonnaise and corn. The planet looked like it would be fairly easy to conquer, though I'm still not sure why the Tallest would want it. I was just about to turn in for the night when the building fell on me. That's right, folks. I was sitting in my room, minding my own business, and the building began to collapse. Did I panic? Hell, yeah! 

Because I was busy screaming my pretty green head off, I was a little slow activating my backpod's forcefield function. You would have done the same thing in my place! Don't deny it! Just before I get my forcefield up, a chunk of concrete settles itself right on my leg - a big chunk of concrete. I don't like going into the gory details, so let's just say it hurt a lot and leave it at that. 

You understand my situation, right? I was trapped under several tons of building, with a hunk of concrete crushing my leg. I couldn't use my leg extensions to get out because they were occupied maintaining the forcefield that was keeping the building from flattening me. Now most Irkens in a situation like that would think they were going to die, right? That's just what I thought. Then, after hours and hours and hours, I was found by a medical crew. 

They dug me out and teleported me to a medical ship. Then my leg was amputated and I was given a mechanical replacement. A pity limbs don't regenerate like eyeballs. Skin is one thing, but bones and muscle tissue are entirely different matters. And let's face it. Robotics will never be able to make connections as good as the nerves had. So, to put it bluntly, my Invader career was shot to hell. 

I found out what happened after I got off the medical ship. Turned out that Zim went nuts in a mech and started raining doom down upon Irk. Moron... I also heard that Tallest Red was the one that stopped the mech, and Tallest Purple organized the disaster relief. After that, anyone who had reservations about the wisdom of having two rulers kept his mouth shut. 

The Assignment Office became a regular haunt for me, as I tried to find a position suitable for an Irken of my stature. Occasionally, I'd get some odd job, but nothing permanent. That's where I was when I met Sgt. Zooch. He was led over by one of the short ones in charge of the office. "This here's your boy, Zooch!" the short one said. "Vorp's hard-working, punctual, and very well-organized. He's battle-trained and quite strong - been working with the construction crews on the Great Rebuilding. He's been looking for permanent job ever since he lost his leg in that unfortunate Impending Doom incident." 

Zooch began circling me, sizing me up like a side of beef. Knowing a military bearing when I saw one, I stood straight and Tall, laying my antennae back submissively. "Organized you say?" Zooch muttered to himself. "That's what we're needing more than anything since the planet's already conquered. All right, I'll let him have a go at the job." And that's how I ended up here on Conventia. 

And, sure enough, when I got here, nothing was organized. Conventia is an impressive place, but it doesn't take long for the flash to wear off. I dove into the job, dragging the Irkens assigned to me along for the ride. We tackled the hover-bus schedules first. You wouldn't believe what a tangle those were! The worst story I heard was about the guy that had to wait 3 days before the bus finally showed up. Now, though, the buses run ever fifteen minutes on the dot! And within a year we had the whole planet running like clockwork. 

"Hey Vorp! It's almost time! Don't keep the Tallest waiting!" a voice calls through the door. That would be Plato. He helps keep me on track. Oh, right! I forgot to mention that the Tallest are on Conventia today. They came by earlier to congratulate me on what an excellent job I've done making Conventia into one of the most organized planets in the system. You see, today they're having a Great Assigning for Operation Impending Doom 2 right here on Conventia! 

Well, I better get the prompter helmet on and get to work. The script looks fairly standard today. Too bad. I was hoping for something I could really have fun with. Time to get to work, though. I've still got a few minutes, so I'll run through some of the standard stuff first. Flipping on the mic, I begin. "Be sure to visit the gift shop for all kinds of cheap, useless stuff! If you're here for the Great Assigning, please remember where you parked and proceed to the main Convention Hall!" See? Told you I was famous! 


End file.
